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I hate when people tell you to cheer up because some day you’ll find “the one”. Fuck that. Fuck the idea that finding that person is going to make you the happiest person in the world. Learn to make yourself happy. Learn to enjoy your own company and realize that you don’t need “your other half”. You are a complete person already. Stop wasting your life pining after people who don’t care and stop searching for someone who will. People will walk in an out of your life and, yeah, it’s going to hurt. But you’ll be a hell of a lot happier when you focus on living your life for yourself and not in search of this mystical other half.

To everyone looking for something (even if they don’t quite know what that is)

So true! Your happiness should never depend on someone else’s.

(Source: reality-escape-artist)

Almost 5 miles…

Almost 5 miles - yan ang pagitan natin dalawa. Parang ang lapit lang kasi 5 lang. Pero kung iisipin, napakalayo. 5 hours na advance ang ‘Pinas from where you are. Kung iko-convert, halos 8 kilometers yung layo mo sakin. Kung nasa marathon ako, sasabihin ko, maiksi lang yun. Pero geographically, ang layo layo mo sakin :(

Bawat oras, namimiss kita. As in. Parang ang hirap huminga kasi naaalala kita. Ang hirap mag-focus sa work kasi namimiss ko mga moments natin. Every 5 minutes sinisilip ko ang phone ko hoping na mag-memessage ka (kahit alam ko na walang message kasi tulog ka. Time zone difference, sucks!), nung unang araw, automatic na sa akin na tumingin ng phone ko. For months, sanay ako na madalas tayong magkatext eh. So yung biglang walang message eh nakakapanibago at nakakalungkot. May settings sa phone ko na kapag ikaw ang nag-text, kulay green yung blinking LED light, pag iba, kulay red. Every time na magba-vibrate ang phone ko, winiwish ko na kulay green. Kahit alam kong imposible kasi hindi mo na ako matetext from where you are right now. Haaayy.. hirap mag-adjust :( Yung nasanay kang nandyan lang yung mahal mo sa malapit tapos biglang isang araw milya-milya na ang layo nyo sa isa’t isa. 2nd day pa lang na malayo ka sakin, nakakalungkot. Pinipigilan kong umiyak kasi alam ko na mas malulungkot ka pag nalaman mong nahihirapan ako. Sabi ko sayo, kahit mahirap okay lang. Makakaya natin ‘to. Gasino lang ba ang ilang buwan o taon? It sucks, pero ganun talaga. Namimiss na talaga kita. Alam ko na iniisip mo rin ako. Alam ko namimiss mo rin ako. Every night, hinihiling ko na sana bumilis ang oras, yung tipong hindi natin mamamalayan na, ayan na, ilang araw, linggo at buwan na ang nakalipas. And the next thing we know, babalik ka na. Hihintayin ko ang araw na yun. 

Sabi ko sayo, lumaki ako na lahat ng meron ako, pinaghirapan ko. Na kung kinakailangang mahirapan at malungkot, kakayanin ko, para mag-work yung relationship natin. Willing akong mag-effort to be happy. Kasi sa’yo ako masaya. I never thought I’ll be in a long distance relationship. It’s not easy, pero you are worth it, so I’ll do my part to make this work. I love you, bhe! Bago ka umalis, we agreed to make this work. Because we both know there’s no one else for us.

Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:

1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.

2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.

3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.

4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.

5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.

6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.

7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.

8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.

9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)

10. THE GIRL I AM: FIRECRACKER AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT I’LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND I WON’T FUCKING REGRET IT I’M NOT YOUR PRETTY GIRL I’M NOT YOUR ANYTHING I’M PERFECT, MOTHERFUCKER, AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WHAT I’M DOING. I DON’T WANT TO BE “LADYLIKE” THAT LITERALLY MEANS NOTHING I’M NOT GOING TO STOP STANDING UP AND DEMANDING WHAT’S COMING TO ME. I’M GONNA BE SOMEBODY. I’M GONNA MAKE THEM REMEMBER ME. I REFUSE TO BE OVERSHADOWED IN HISTORY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO CREATE BUT YOU MADE ME A DRAGON YOU PUT ME IN THE FIRE AND WHEN I STOPPED BURNING I LEARNED HOW TO GLOW DON’T THINK YOU CAN STOP ME YOU CAN’T TAME A TORNADO.

In respectful response to a poem tilted, “Ten men women have warned me against becoming." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)
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